“The most effective form of parental counseling that we can give the members of our congregations may not be how we counsel them in their moment of crisis but, rather, the style of leadership we ourselves exhibit daily regarding our own “charges” in the congregation, particularly our capacity to define ourselves. At the very least, if we are not aware of this connection, we may undercut our “sage” pastoral efforts, well-meaning though they may be.”
- Edwin Friedman, “Generation to Generation”
Lea and I drove down to Estonia’s summer capital Pärnu on Saturday to attend a Family Life Conference sponsored by a local church. Our denomination’s president spoke during the final hour on his experience of the “5 Love Languages” and their importance in a healthy marriage.
For those who aren’t familiar with the concept, your “love language” is the means by which you most naturally express love for others and receive the love extended to you. While there are likely many more than just five, the languages usually listed are: Quality Time, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, Gift Giving, and Encouraging Words. Each of these is of course pleasant but one or more are usually especially effective.
The tricky part comes in learning to speak and understand your partner’s language so that you can both receive messages of love sent to you as well as communicate your love in a way that your partner can receive. For more on the subject, refer to Gary Chapman’s book, “The Five Languages of Love“.
The hour ended with a panel discussion in which the last question was something like the following: “Do you think that this talk of love languages might have any impact on the way we communicate the message of the gospel to the people around us?” Having just preached on Thomas’ scandalous and grotesque demand that he place his hands within Jesus’ fresh wounds, that got me thinking.
To John – the disciple who reclined on Jesus’ shoulder at the last supper and later wrote a gospel which claimed access to Jesus’ private thoughts and prayers – “Quality Time” seemed to do the trick. For Thomas – whose horrible demand reveals the depth of his disappointment – Jesus in fact offered a healing physical connection. And for Peter he prepared a meal and later told him “if you love me you will feed my sheep.” In short, each received Jesus’ personal consolation in the very way that made the most sense to them.
I think there is a tendency to read scripture as a set of universal truths overlaid on top of quasi-history. It seems to me that while there are certainly principles to be drawn out and expounded, often in the gospels and other narratives the reason something happens is because it was entirely appropriate for that time and place.
Maybe that is the difficulty I’ve had with evangelism. I make it into a contortionist exercise to bend the Roman Road around some one’s intimate life story rather than communicating the simple grace this person needs in this moment.
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Friends,
I am asking you to pray for our friends Paddy and Carole Ducklow. The Ducklows came to Estonia about two weeks ago to help us establish their marriage/premarriage mentoring program here in Estonia. At the last minute, they were informed that two close relatives were diagnosed with serious forms of cancer. In spite of this, they felt certain they were called to come and did so. After two very successful weekend seminars and a series of seminary lectures, they deserved a peaceful trip home to their loved ones. Instead, like many others their flight was canceled when Iceland’s volcano erupted. We have been praying earnestly and searching every possibility to get them back.
The latest news is good. The skies are clearing in parts of Europe and we have hopes that their flight path will follow suit in short order. Please join us in praying for the Ducklows’ travels and for the health of their loved ones. Also, given the additional costs of hospitality and travel, if you would like to contribute financially to helping us and them account for this disaster, you can send a donation via the Alongside website at www.alongside.org.
Thanks for your support!
I’ve been sprinting around trying to manage multiple projects for the last few weeks. Two weeks back I dropped everything and spent a week of full days getting the apartment ready to move into. We made it in on the weekend and then I left for a week of Alongside planning in France. Now that I’m back, I’m finalizing preparations for a set of marriage preparation seminars to take place in early April. After I get that done, it’s back to summer preparations for about 2 weeks straight. Then Easter. Whew. Continue reading
One of the most striking ironies of the gospel witness is that when Jesus appears on the scene, those who were best positioned to recognized him tragically did not. A recent Bible study with some of our young men this Fall revealed that when people recognized in Jesus the authority to teach, heal and cast out demons, he took the audacious leap of claiming authority over sin as well. We were struck by how offensive this all would have been to an observant Jew in that day and how appropriate their response was to his ‘misstep’ … unless of course he was telling the truth. Continue reading
